jerkajerk

"Right, right- so you breached the warehouse at 14:23, correct?"  The man in the crisp suit asked, quickly typing into his laptop as he did so. Ever stoic, the squad leader stared right back.  "You guys have the body-cam footage.  I'm not sure why you're asking how things happened when you can see all of it." Sighing, the man in the suit closed his laptop.  "You found and raided an occult storage facility.  Two of your squad besides yourself made it out.  Only one of them is stable, and she's about five hundred pounds heavier than when she went in, and the other member is a blubbering mess who keeps screaming in some dead language that make

This one is a little scarier.  You have to use a (gasp) STOVE to make it!  But it's the best.  I promise.  You'll need: -One egg -Butter/whatever fat you have (don't use olive oil, seriously- it never turns out right) -Frying pan -Salt and pepper or whatever spices you like -A slice of bread -A glass that's smaller than your slice of bread Step One: Throw some butter in the pan.  I use Ghee (Clarified butter) but you can literally use any butter, and turn the stove on medium heat (that's the middle setting, guys) Step Two:  Take the glass and firmly press it into your bread, right in the center.  You need a lil' hole for the raw egg t

Ok, y'all, here's your microwaveable tasty meal of the day that's gonna kick your tastebuds into overdrive! You'll need: -Microwave -Velveeta (I know it's expensive-ish, but it'll last you forever, probably) -Boxed Macaroni and Cheese plus all the bullshit, y'know, Milk and Butter (The Dollar Store brand is actually usually BETTER, so don't yell at me about how expensive Kraft is, even though I'm pretty sure it's usually like 89 cents per box unless you buy it in bulk, but the dollar store shit is like 39 cents where I live and it's got more sodium and, if you're lucky, it has MSG in it too!) -Pepperoni to taste!  Shit's like two bucks,

Frank sat at his desk, twirling his pen idly as he tried not to fall asleep.  "Data Analysis is fun, Frank!"  Yeah, it paid fine, but what the hell was he supposed to do all day?  They were super weird about electronics, and he had already finished his book so he had over three hours before his shift ended.  Sighing, he glanced at the monitor- almost twenty-five minutes before the next batch of analytics came out. "Yo, Christine, I'm grabbing a coffee up the street, you want anything?"  The young woman glanced up from whatever report she was writing. "The Starbucks closes at eleven now, remember?"  She said casually, stretching her arms up